Thursday, 13 April 2017

You've Written One Memoir, Should You Write Another?

Better or Dead, my second memoir follows on from Shadow Across the Sun, beginning on my wedding day.  Not everyone likes memoirs but I love them, not celeb lets-make-an-easy-million ones or the typical Jeremy Kyle stuff but those of every day people, I love to read about how they deal with both the good and bad that life throws at them.
I got married for all the right reasons; I adored him, but as I stood there taking my vows an errant thought flashed through my mind, 'This is absolutely right now but how can I say I'm going to feel the same in 20 years time?' I pushed it away and got lost in the day.
The first flaw appeared with my first pregnancy. My loving husband decided half way through that he wanted neither wife nor baby. I was devastated, at a time that should have been the happiest of our lives. I wanted to feel cherished, loved, both me and my unborn child, not rejected.
Time passed, divorce was inevitable but worse than my failed marriage was my failing health. I didn't mourn the loss of my marriage but I grieved relentlessly for my former life, the life when my body hadn't let me down, and I still grieve for that life to this day.
M.E, myalgic encephalomyelitis, also known as chronic fatigue syndrome, C.F.S, destroys lives. Sufferers look well so are not believed by society and worse still by the medical profession. I couldn't believe it when I read, 'Your first hurdle will be getting your G.P to accept it.' How could they not? I was ill. How could they dispute that? But dispute it they did and the years that followed, by then a single parent, were the biggest challenge of my life. 
I've updated the cover to give it a more personal touch. The background image is a photo my son took when he was out dog walking in the Derbyshire Peak District, somewhere I used to love in my well days but can sadly no longer walk in myself. The inset picture is of a makeover I had when I was 50, slap bang in the middle of M.E, so you see on days when I'm well enough to get out for an hour there doesn't look a thing wrong with me. Here's a short excerpt from the book.
'I’d thought that my strange weak attacks were a thing of the past and I’d be fine after having a rest during August. Everything had got on top of me: the divorce, the solicitor, the building society, the worry over Dad’s and Auntie Eth’s illnesses; I’d been spinning out of control on that speeding carousel of stress. However whilst I thought I’d be fine, my body had other ideas.
Occasionally I’d leave the boys playing in their rooms on their video games if I was only going to be out for a few minutes. One such time I only needed a few things from Wilkinson’s in town and would be no more than half an hour. I parked up and was just about to get out of the car when an overwhelming wave of exhaustion swamped me.
‘I can’t do it,’ I thought.
The vision of the shop full of people and queues at the tills engulfed me.
‘What if I go weak again and can’t get out quickly enough?’ the voice of panic said.
‘Don’t be ridiculous! You’ll be fine,’ said the scathing voice of reason.
I got out of the car and walked up the street at the side of the bus station on legs of jelly. Every step was forced and the words alternately pounding my brain were, ‘I can’t do it.’ ‘Yes you can.’ ‘I can’t do it.’ ‘Yes you can.’
In the end ‘I can’t do it,’ won and I turned round and almost ran back to the car trembling from head to toe. It resulted in another visit to the doctors.
I saw Dr Collins and he gave me some tablets called dothiepin and referred me to the community psychiatric nurse, (CPN) who gave me a relaxation tape to follow. She also said that to turn round was the worst thing I could have done. I didn’t agree; to have gone on would have produced a negative experience like the one in Asda. She gave me bits of advice after assessing me and when I said that I couldn’t do things, or get to places she had this to say.
“If your sons needed you now, at this minute you’d get there.”
Of course she was right but it would be the after effects that would be the problem, the weakness that would follow. Clearly they were treating this as a psychological illness and no-one was addressing the physical problem of the weakness. However, I expected the two things to have a magical effect on my weird feelings.
To try and help myself I bought endless packets of Lucozade energy tablets and drank Lucozade glucose drink to give me energy. I also tried tonics but nothing helped.
On the second day trip to Llandudno the weather had changed and it was overcast and chilly. Barry, the boys and I went in my car this time and I drove. As I followed Alistair down the A55 I was fighting to stay awake. I was never so thankful to see a McDonald’s where we stopped for breakfast. I think it was the influence of the tablets but I felt uptight trying to stay awake. I thought I’d have a doze when we got to the beach although it wasn’t sunbathing weather and we were wearing jackets as opposed to the swimwear of the last visit.
I’d expected to fall asleep straight away considering I was so tired but I was wrong; my brain was on overdrive and I couldn’t drop off. Instead I leaned up and watched with the others as Alistair flew Cassie’s pink bunny rabbit kite and she clapped her hands with delight. The wind was so strong it pulled the string right off the handle and the kite fluttered delicately over the rooftops, much to his and Cassie’s dismay.
They both said, “Oh no,” Alistair in a resigned, helpless tone, Cassie in an altogether more grief stricken one as she watched the wind carry her kite out of sight.
We all fell about laughing except for Cassie who had to be pacified with the promise of a new kite.
After our picnic lunch we wandered round the town as we had before. Matt wanted to go into a shop to get a footballer’s name printed on the back of his new Man U away shirt and as we stood in the queue I could feel myself getting weaker and weaker.
“I’m going to have to go back to the car,” I said and Alistair agreed to wait in the queue with Matt while all the rest of us went back to the cars.
“I can’t drive,” I told Barry, “you’ll have to.”
I must have felt ill to allow someone else behind the wheel of my precious car but I couldn’t have driven if my life had depended on it. Presently Alistair and Matt joined us, Matt all smiles sporting Lee Sharpe’s name on the back of his shirt. We stopped somewhere for chips and I felt fractionally better after a rest and something to eat but I could neither walk nor drive so Barry drove home.'
If you are interested in the paperback it will be better to buy from the publisher (link below) as any stocked by Amazon marketplace may be the old cover. It's also slightly cheaper from feedaread and P&P is about the same as Amazon. The ebook is available from Amazon with this cover.
If you purchase, many thanks and I hope you enjoy it and fellow M.E sufferers may relate to my experience, also divorcees/single parents. A review on its Amazon page would be most welcome, thank you.

Wednesday, 5 April 2017

Should You Write A Memoir?

Memoirs aren't everyone's cup of tea but I love them. Not the celeb ones which  make an easy million for the already famous and not the Jeremy Kyle DNA tests, but the memoirs of everyday people - who've written them themselves, like Frank McCourt's Angela's Ashes - and how they deal with the adversities of life. I'd always had a notion to write mine after losing my mum in childhood.
My story is a memoir of childhood and youth. I have recently updated the cover to give it a more personal touch with a background image of the bluebell woods where we played as children, which feature in the book, and an inset photo of my mum and I at Trentham Gardens Staffordshire UK c1957.
I had the best childhood but it was always overshadowed by illness. My introduction to worry was when my sister almost died next to me in the double bed we shared when I was nine and she was four. If I hadn't been teaching her to say her prayers she'd have just closed her eyes and died. It had a profound effect on me and I've never stopped worrying since.
My mum was never well although she had a very bubbly personality and was always singing. She baked weekly, gorgeous scones and cakes and she put on wonderful birthday parties for my sister and I when my dad would make us all laugh by joining in the games. Mum made all of mine and my sister's dresses and knit lovely cardigans to go over them for the typical British summer weather with its unpredictability.
We lived like any normal, happy family, that was until she got breast cancer. Here is a short excerpt from the book of her discovery of it:
'I am listening more keenly than I have ever listened in my life. When Mum is talking to Dad, to Auntie Eth, to Auntie Myra, to the neighbours; I listen. Something is wrong and it all stems from that night that she called Dad into the bathroom.
She’d found a lump in her breast. The following evening they went off to the doctors and Emily and I stayed in. We had all of the usual instructions to behave ourselves and not to fight, but we didn’t feel like getting up to anything. People only go to the doctors when something is wrong, and we were a little uneasy because we didn’t know what it was.
They weren’t gone long, only about half an hour, then they went into their bedroom to hang their coats up and I sort of lingered about in the hall to try and hear what they were talking about.
“He said mastitis or early change,” this was Mum’s voice, “but I thought that mastitis was very painful and I’ve got no pain at all, and as for early change, well, surely I’m too young for that; I’m only forty two.”
I’ve heard Mum talking with other people about the change. They laugh about it when they get hot and say, ‘Ooh I’m having a hot flush; I must be on the change.’
Dad laughs even more than Mum at this because she is always cold. In winter she wears about five layers, and still she isn’t warm enough. Dad affectionately calls her ‘Old bloody never sweat.’
“I suppose he knows what he’s talking about,” Dad answered.
“I’m not so sure. Look at what he was like when Emily was ill; he hadn’t a clue what was wrong with her. His hands were shaking and he seemed more nervous than us. Then there was that baby in The Avenue that died of pneumonia because he wouldn’t come out to it. You know when his mother answered the phone and said he’d come out in the morning.”
“Ah, I remember that.”
“I don’t think he’s much good as a doctor, he’s not as good as the last one we had.”
“No you’re right there, he isn’t. Well just leave it a few days and if it doesn’t go we’ll go back again.”
They went back a few days later only for him to tell them the same thing and not to worry, but they did worry and went back a third time, two weeks later. Luckily this time there was a locum doctor on; a younger man called Doctor Collins. He sent Mum straight to the hospital for tests. I heard words like biopsy, benign, malignant, and I found out that malignant would be bad. If this lump was malignant Mum would have to have her breast off.
I wondered if this was like Yvette’s cousin having her tongue cut out, but having your breast off wouldn’t be as bad as that because you don’t need them, they are just for show, although Mum doesn’t seem to think so. I once heard her saying to Elaine’s mum that she doesn’t want to lose a breast because that is what makes you a woman. It must be bad to have to have that done but I don’t think it’s as bad as Yvette’s cousin because I’ve never heard anyone mention the terrible thing that is cancer.'
The ebook is available from amazon and also the paperback with the old cover but for the paperback with the new cover it will be best to buy from the publisher (link below) the price is a little less than amazon and P&P about the same.
Many thanks and I hope you enjoy it. If you do enjoy it a review would be most welcome.

Thursday, 22 December 2016

Soul Connection

Over A Spitfire is a story of forbidden love during World War Two. LGBT relationships weren't as accepted in the 1940s as they are today and so Ava and Will's love was a secret, a secret cut short by Will's death. We follow her to the afterlife and feel her despair at being witness to Ava's developing romance with Henry, but Will has plans to return to earth...
During the writing of Over A Spitfire I had an idea to have Will's reincarnated character trace her family but didn't know where it would fit in so I decided against it. Some weeks after publication I was watching a TV programme about reincarnation where people with feelings of deja vu had traced a family from a previous life. In the sequel this is what Will's reincarnated character does.
For anyone who's read Over A Spitfire and enjoyed it I'd like them to read the sequel as in it the character finds closure. It is only a short novella and for that reason I've kept the price low at 99p. I hope you enjoy the stories. If you have, a review would be very welcome. Thank you.

Thursday, 8 December 2016

Film Rights

Film rights. Is it a dream all we authors have to see our stories on the cinema or TV screen?
As I write my stories I can see my characters come alive before my eyes as if on a screen, I can hear their voices as they love, fight and make up, as they laugh, cry and just live.
Do we all have those dreaming moments when we are in repose, twiddling our pens, staring blankly at our computer screens?
How do other authors see their stories on screen? Would you want them adapted into film or would you prefer to keep them as they were in your head and let the reader keep them as they see them?
I'd like to see my Willow's Dip series as a Sunday evening TV series. Aidan Turner (Poldark) would have been fabulous for my Nathaniel O'Keefe but he's much too big a star now for my little story. I'd love Over A Spitfire, my wartime reincarnation story and its sequel with the family ancestry theme to become either a film or a drama. I can see those wonderful Spitfires in action, hear the memorable wartime songs that my parents used to sing, and the 60s songs I grew up listening to. I can see the mods with their Vespa scooters and the 60s fashions, hear the jukebox playing in the little cafe the teeneagers hang out in in my story.
All I need is that element of luck - don't we all - for my story - any of my stories - to be seen by the right eyes, to be in the right place at the right time.
I can but dream...

Tuesday, 22 November 2016

Billy's Dream

An excerpt taken from The Author, The Gardener and The Woman What Does
(The title is purposely grammatically incorrect.)

Billy was dreaming, a lucid dream, he knew it was a dream. He’d half woken at 5:30 a.m. turned over and fallen back into a doze.
He was working on a landscape of a large garden backing onto dense woodland. A movement at the perimeter caught his eye and made him look up. There, standing barefoot and wearing only his white shirt which fell to the top of her thighs was Anita. He knew she was naked beneath it, her nipples poked out through the diaphanous cotton material and he could just make out their dark circles. His eyes fell lower to the triangle of her pubic hair, which flashed tantalisingly as the light breeze moved the fabric. There was the trace of an enigmatic smile on her lips as she stood with her legs slightly parted, beckoning him with a crooked index finger.
As if mesmerised he dropped his spade and followed her as she led him slowly into the woodland. In among the trees she stopped and turned to face him. Wordlessly she placed his hands on her breasts and he could feel her nipples thrusting into his palms, and his own arousal.
Slowly she began to unbutton the shirt allowing glimpses of naked flesh to peep through. His hands moved inside the shirt, thrilling at the feel of her skin, then they moved down over her belly to that now forbidden place.
She let out a moan as they sank down onto the soft woodland floor and his fingers caressed the most sensitive part of her. It felt good, it had been a long time since he’d had sex and he was unaware of removing his own clothes but in that dreamlike state they were both naked and moving in perfect time against each other.
As their passion mounted he couldn’t see her face, it was hidden beneath his shoulder but suddenly, as she cried out his name he looked at her and it wasn’t Anita’s face that looked back at him but Tess’s.
He woke with a start, bathed in sweat, got out of bed and headed for the bathroom. As he stood beside the toilet the whole erotic scene played out before him as if it was a movie projected onto the walls.
Where had it come from and how could your mind play such tricks on you? He didn’t want to make love to Anita, but if she walked into the room at this moment wearing nothing but that transparent shirt he knew he would. And Tess. Where had she come from? He realised if she were to materialise before him wearing the shirt he would tear it off her where she stood and follow his instincts.

Wednesday, 9 November 2016

A Taster of a Christmas Journey

This is a short excerpt taken from the title story from my collection The Journey. It's not a metaphor but a story based on a journey I might have taken had life followed a different path. It is part fact and part fiction. Some people wrong others. Some people have to pay....

The December sunshine slants straight in through my windscreen as I turn the key in the ignition. I’ll be heading west so I suppose it will sear into my eyes until it sinks below the horizon, then the resulting sunset will brighten my journey and add to the suffusion in my soul as I savour the purpose of my impending visit. I am exacting retribution. I don’t consider myself evil or vindictive but this scab has been picked at at every milestone in my life. I was robbed and someone has to pay.
I have made every preparation for this; no I is left undotted, no T left uncrossed, right down to my physical appearance. I’ve been to have my roots done to blend away the grey and keep the dark colour, as those morons will remember me. I don’t want them to mistake who I am for a second. My eyebrows are shaped, my clothes crisp, most important to look the part when the shock registers on their faces.
Children are coming out of school, laden with Christmas decorations created by their own tiny hands and there is an excitement in the air as they are now on a four day countdown to hanging up their stockings. The traffic is heavy as I intersperse with the school run. After that I might make good progress for a while until the rush hour starts. A stupid time to travel I know but I want my arrival timed to achieve maximum impact, a sadistic bedtime story.
I don’t like to think I’ve allowed the issue to fester and rot away my peace of mind but I suppose it must have done to some extent. I believe in being fair, each person having what they deserve, what they’ve worked for – what is their birthright. I was denied mine.
I’ve left the village on the North East coast that has been my home for many years behind me and I’m heading for the motorway, well the A road first, a dual carriageway; it’ll be about an hour before I reach the M62 which will take me in a South-westerly direction. My destination is The Midlands, Newcastle under Lyme where I grew up.
It could never be said that my childhood had been unhappy, quite the contrary. I don’t suppose any marriage is perfect but to my child’s eyes my parents’ was. They were in tune; each personality balanced the other. My father was easily irritated, had an effervescent temper, but just like an exploding soda bottle his fiery fizz soon calmed as it flowed into the placid waters of my mother’s gentle nature. In turn, she would worry about any tiny detail.
“If two flies are crawling up the wall your mother will worry about which one will get to the top first,” my father always told me.
His take-it-or-leave-it attitude counteracted her worries and he was able to rationalise them. Their characters complimented each other. I knew nothing of soulmates at the tender age of ten – indeed I have never met mine – but I understand it to mean now that two souls are one half of the other and they are only complete when they are together.
Soulmates. I ponder on them as I negotiate a roundabout. I would love to have found mine. My marriage was based on physical attraction. John was the man I wanted at the time and for a few years we were happy. We had two fine sons, now grown and flown but our marriage crumbled long ago. I will not be controlled by anyone. Maybe some people are happy with that but I couldn’t accept it. When I was contemplating divorce I was given a piece of sound advice.
“I’d rather be on my own than with someone I don’t want to be with.”
I acted upon those words and they stay with me to this day.
Maybe I’ll find my soulmate in the next world. Some people believe we live through many lifetimes on this earth. Some believe that in each lifetime we find our soulmate and travel these lives together as twin flames, or is your twin flame the one you meet in your last earthly life? I don’t know, or what I think of it. It would be a pleasant thought I suppose, but my mind has wandered from its purpose.
The earth has turned and the sun has left our Northern Hemisphere for this day. The sky is streaked with lavender clouds and outside the warmth of the car I know there will be a chill in the early evening air. Snow has been forecast overnight but I will be in a comfortable hotel by then. No immediate need to travel back home tomorrow, as long as I am back to spend Christmas with my boys and their families. I have a Christmas present of my own to deliver first and that little flicker of satisfaction slumbering within me becomes a flame and a smile touches my lips in the darkness. Subconsciously my hand finds its way to the inside jacket pocket of my smart work suit and gently, fondly caresses the envelope nestled there, close to my heart. I press the accelerator pedal and join the motorway.....

Monday, 26 September 2016

BOOK LAUNCH Newcastle Staffs Library

From Monday 26th September to Monday 3rd October 2016 Newcastle library are very kindly organizing a book launch for me for my latest release OVER A SPITFIRE. As it's set in World War Two it will be a part of their local and community history festival. I originally approached them to ask if I could donate a hardback copy of the book to their stock and Terry Heath the activities officer agreed, with also a copy for Kidsgrove library.
Terry asked me if I'd like to come in and give a talk on the book and self publishing, which I would have loved to do but as I suffer from M.E my health is very unpredictable and I can never guarantee being well enough to be anywhere at a given time so although I would have loved to do that - I do like to talk - I had to decline. That was when Terry said they could arrange the launch, for which I was very grateful.
I am however hoping to be well enough to pop in on Saturday 1st October for a short while, around lunchtime, thanks to my son and his fiancee doing the driving, which I struggle with now, so if anyone is around then it would be great to meet you. I apologize if I'm not well enough to go but I've got everything crossed that I will be. Hope to see you there and if not there are always signed copies of the books.